2008 seemed like a long year, yet parts of it seem so foggy... like I skipped a few months and went from like May to November. In some ways, maybe I did.
2008 brought about many exciting moments, many heart breaking moments, and moments to realize who I am, and who I want to be. This year after ups and downs and all the struggles... I graduated and received my degree. I still have to say that while this is an accomplishment, I probably could have done better with grades and projects along the way. Yet, it is done.
2008 cemented my ability to prove people wrong. I had people in my life that when I started college and living on my own back in 2002 said I would never make it. I would either not get into Poly, or not make it on my own, and well.... obviously they were wrong.
I am learning more about the quality of relationships being more important than the quantity of relationships we have. I have had to see people for who they really are, and there are some people in my life that honestly are selfish and jerky people. I have let people in my life that are just not uplifting, and while I was calling them a friend, were well... anything but that.
2008 brought a decision to move from the place I love to a place I always said I hated.... I moved to San Diego. While thinking this could have been the worst decision of my life... it wasn't. It cemented my distaste for big cities. I now know I will give up a better paying job to live where I want to live, rather than live for the job. San Diego was a low point in my life... probably the second lowest besides the end of my first year of college. Those two can almost be a tie for which was worse. Spiritually I was numb (and I am still recovering from that one, and it seems like it is going to be a long road). In all that, moved home to the Central Coast 4 months later-- ready to start truly healing and growing.2008 brought realizations and a real change in my priorities.
I have lost friends this year either because I have come to reflect on Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..." and some people just were not fitting that bill, and while I was striving to make the relationships work and taking time to call, email, and whatnot, and not getting anything back. I realize that if I was worth it to them... they would make the time regardless of how busy they are. This doesn't make me a better person, because I am sure we all have people in our lives we work hard for and they never reciprocate. I had a friend, whom I still want to give the benefit of the doubt-- when I really shouldn't-- and for years have talked crap about me behind my back to other people... apparent he thinks I will never catch wind of it. I always find out-- so you might as well say it to my face, or rather just not speak at all. I also am not his friend until there is no one else left to hang out with or talk to. Like a last resort, and I am sorry... I have integrity buddy, and you are crossing the boundaries of treatment I allow in my life-- to peace out if this is the continuation of things to come.
I also made a decision that my mother warned me of the outcome... "I may end a friendship over this". I went from being part of a friend's important day to not due to the allowance of abuse of my feelings, and lack of honesty. There is so much I can say... but I was betrayed and lied to, I was made to feel 3 inches tall, and was slapped in the face (metaphorically) concerning what my true priorities are... so let me lay them out... as they also are my continued priorities for 2009: God is first.... and while it is a long road to get him there, that is his spot... you are not it, and this really should not be an issue for you. Then comes my responsibilities as part of the adult community-- pay bills. If my car breaks it becomes a prioritiy. Spending time with those who make the same effort. Let me tell you what things no longer are priorities when the unexpected of a car not working or when I have to get a root canal-- I have to wait longer to buy things needed for one day events. Sorry. And then when it happens.... that still is not good enough. Sorry I don't snap my fingers at commands. So, before you attack my priorities (well anyone)... always remember... my mommy and daddy don't pave my way. They didn't pay for school... sorry to not have had those luxuries. Sorry I didn't have the life you had of it not being a struggle. Your car breaks-- mommy fixes it for you, they pay your rent, they pay your cell phone and insurance. But guess what honey.... there are some of those who moved out at 17 and had to pay for everything themselves. I do consider myself blessed when my parents are able to help when I am short... but it is not a regular thing. So, in all that I think a friendship was lost because enough was enough. No one has a right to attack me when I am doing the best I can with what I have, while also trying to have a life and being able to leave my house once in awhile to enjoy life. I am sorry that doesn't work for some.
2008 closed the chapter of school and opened it to learning even more the economy is sucking, and my degree/industry is taking a hit. Hospitality is seeing a 35% decline. Not a good time to be looking for a job.
So, what do I want for 2009? To continue in the healthy relationships around me. A good church family, and to seek God. I find myself alot this past year saying "God, why are you letting this happen to me?" And I still haven't had an answer, so maybe 2009 will bring that. 2009 will also bring my continual to lay down boundaries of who I am and what I allow in my life. Continuing to push out negative energy and those who just bring me down. 2009 I want to be hopeful. Seeking God's best, and His provision. Seeing healing, restoration, and moving forward. I want to achieve or be closer at least to achieving one of my life goals.
2008 brought about many exciting moments, many heart breaking moments, and moments to realize who I am, and who I want to be. This year after ups and downs and all the struggles... I graduated and received my degree. I still have to say that while this is an accomplishment, I probably could have done better with grades and projects along the way. Yet, it is done.
2008 cemented my ability to prove people wrong. I had people in my life that when I started college and living on my own back in 2002 said I would never make it. I would either not get into Poly, or not make it on my own, and well.... obviously they were wrong.
I am learning more about the quality of relationships being more important than the quantity of relationships we have. I have had to see people for who they really are, and there are some people in my life that honestly are selfish and jerky people. I have let people in my life that are just not uplifting, and while I was calling them a friend, were well... anything but that.
2008 brought a decision to move from the place I love to a place I always said I hated.... I moved to San Diego. While thinking this could have been the worst decision of my life... it wasn't. It cemented my distaste for big cities. I now know I will give up a better paying job to live where I want to live, rather than live for the job. San Diego was a low point in my life... probably the second lowest besides the end of my first year of college. Those two can almost be a tie for which was worse. Spiritually I was numb (and I am still recovering from that one, and it seems like it is going to be a long road). In all that, moved home to the Central Coast 4 months later-- ready to start truly healing and growing.2008 brought realizations and a real change in my priorities.
I have lost friends this year either because I have come to reflect on Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..." and some people just were not fitting that bill, and while I was striving to make the relationships work and taking time to call, email, and whatnot, and not getting anything back. I realize that if I was worth it to them... they would make the time regardless of how busy they are. This doesn't make me a better person, because I am sure we all have people in our lives we work hard for and they never reciprocate. I had a friend, whom I still want to give the benefit of the doubt-- when I really shouldn't-- and for years have talked crap about me behind my back to other people... apparent he thinks I will never catch wind of it. I always find out-- so you might as well say it to my face, or rather just not speak at all. I also am not his friend until there is no one else left to hang out with or talk to. Like a last resort, and I am sorry... I have integrity buddy, and you are crossing the boundaries of treatment I allow in my life-- to peace out if this is the continuation of things to come.
I also made a decision that my mother warned me of the outcome... "I may end a friendship over this". I went from being part of a friend's important day to not due to the allowance of abuse of my feelings, and lack of honesty. There is so much I can say... but I was betrayed and lied to, I was made to feel 3 inches tall, and was slapped in the face (metaphorically) concerning what my true priorities are... so let me lay them out... as they also are my continued priorities for 2009: God is first.... and while it is a long road to get him there, that is his spot... you are not it, and this really should not be an issue for you. Then comes my responsibilities as part of the adult community-- pay bills. If my car breaks it becomes a prioritiy. Spending time with those who make the same effort. Let me tell you what things no longer are priorities when the unexpected of a car not working or when I have to get a root canal-- I have to wait longer to buy things needed for one day events. Sorry. And then when it happens.... that still is not good enough. Sorry I don't snap my fingers at commands. So, before you attack my priorities (well anyone)... always remember... my mommy and daddy don't pave my way. They didn't pay for school... sorry to not have had those luxuries. Sorry I didn't have the life you had of it not being a struggle. Your car breaks-- mommy fixes it for you, they pay your rent, they pay your cell phone and insurance. But guess what honey.... there are some of those who moved out at 17 and had to pay for everything themselves. I do consider myself blessed when my parents are able to help when I am short... but it is not a regular thing. So, in all that I think a friendship was lost because enough was enough. No one has a right to attack me when I am doing the best I can with what I have, while also trying to have a life and being able to leave my house once in awhile to enjoy life. I am sorry that doesn't work for some.
2008 closed the chapter of school and opened it to learning even more the economy is sucking, and my degree/industry is taking a hit. Hospitality is seeing a 35% decline. Not a good time to be looking for a job.
So, what do I want for 2009? To continue in the healthy relationships around me. A good church family, and to seek God. I find myself alot this past year saying "God, why are you letting this happen to me?" And I still haven't had an answer, so maybe 2009 will bring that. 2009 will also bring my continual to lay down boundaries of who I am and what I allow in my life. Continuing to push out negative energy and those who just bring me down. 2009 I want to be hopeful. Seeking God's best, and His provision. Seeing healing, restoration, and moving forward. I want to achieve or be closer at least to achieving one of my life goals.
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