My Biggest Problem With the Christian Church

I find the Christian community to be very interesting. During the first 3 years of college I was part of Campus Crusade at Poly and it was a good experience in meeting people, and it really is a good ministry for secular/college campuses. But in the last year I was in it... I felt the full on cliques and the leadership full on played into it. They have a core leadership team and who picks them....? Leadership and staff.... and I just don't think you can say only those 1o people out of 1,100 students really embrace the vision of the ministry. I realized that just putting a Christian label on a group does not make the interaction of people any more Godly, and like the rest of the world... judges others, does not love selflessly as a whole... and the vibe seems to ostracizing. Also for three years I was part of a great church. A message delivered based on the truth of God's, and yet as the church grew from 150 when I started to almost 900.... the whole dynamic changed. Seemed like a church within a church was forming. I had a heart for youth ministry, and yet was told I should do children's ministry... and at that time it was not what God was calling me to do. It was the beginning of the end of what I wanted from a church fellowship. I wanted unity, selfless love, and a diverse congregation. Then, I went up to help with a sister church that was starting out... and while the beginning motives were great no one wanted to serve and it gave the 10/90 ration of those who help in the church, and those who just enjoy sitting in the pews came to form literally. Then it gets tiresome and like a chore to be there, and the heart was hardening. A church that lacked Christian accountability, service, and proper handling of funds. At least though.... there were no mini groups and segregation of others. Well... my four month stint in San Diego again proved "You gotta know someone to be part of it". I went to a church that I had visited before and no one talked to me. Heck 4 weeks after they thanked me for coming the previous Sunday (they were 4 weeks too late). No one called to follow up on my desire to learn more. So then, I went somewhere else, and the message was good and it took a month to get someone to tell me about small groups and what not. And I felt very much left on the outside in the group I was put in. And so when I asked for another one which would better go with my schedule.... never got a response. Went to a couple more churches and it was all the same hoopla. Fake smiles and cares, and cliques.... and it all gets so heart breaking.

Here I am now... and I see it a little bit with the church I am in now.... more with people in my agr group and it is just ridiculous. Fake hugs and "How are you?", but then they have no problem snubbing others for a month. I am reminded of Colossians 4:5 "Make the most of every opportunity, in and out of season". I think people also let position get in the way of what God's greatest command is. I remember from Crusade, that the goal was that of The Great Commission, and I think the church is what needs to facilitate that in our relationship with Christ, so we may pour it to others. I can see people stand in a circle, wanting to be included and they are shunned... not important. THIS IS NOT RIGHT. I realize that God presents those opportunities because maybe God will use me to minister to that person. Maybe God will use me to build a relationship that actually will draw me closer to Him, and them to Him. How do we get to know someone? Talk to them. Not a fake, could care less hello and a hug, but really.... find out how they are doing... and not just in 2 minutes. The body of Christ needs unity, and I hope to never be part of a fellowship with cliques, and people and leaders in the church who participate in excluding others, and not building relationships, and not living in a way dishonoring to the Lord. Why do we reject when someone is trying to get to know us? Why do we reject unity? Yes, we are busy.... but the more selfless we are.... God will give us opportunities. Sometimes we don't give people a chance because of our selfishness, or we think something of them. So we purposely exclude. I am blessed with three wonderful women who have golden hearts. I watch my roommates initiate meeting new people in the church, inviting them to lunch, or hangout night... and it is so pleasing. They live out the great commission. They accept people for how they are, and I see Christ in their lives in their relating to others and it has ministered to me and reminds me that is what God calls all of US to do. So instead of being at church and during welcome not just saying hi to just those I know or talk to on a daily basis, but try to go get to know someone else better. Or actually genuinely care and make an effort. I can't change others, and I can't force others to live out the life God has called. God values relaitonships more than the material things and monetary things we give, because the internal giving of ourselves are ever lasting. I have tagged those who I think would be interested in being reminded (friends), and those who I go to church with. A good reminder. I am blessed to go to a church that I think doesn't struggle to much with it as a whole, but every body has a few, and even last night I was reminded that the healthiest parts of the church are seen in what the focus on the relationship and priority of God in the church is and the relationships among the body. And I think now as more and more people in the world are judged and rejected or go into the world and are beat up. Let church not facilitate the same. The church is to be set apart... as we are to be. To not be like the world living in selfishness, vanity, and I think as people we care too much about ourselves in who we spend our time with, what we wear, and where we find our identity. But we serve and amazing God and prayerfully we would see others as God sees them, and love them as so.

Finding Balance Life while Seeking God's Will

7 months ago I graduated from Cal Poly.... never wanting to set foot in a classroom again. Once my senior project was turned in, that feeling only intensified. 6 years later, with student loans piled up and college-life scars... I know in it all I did what God called me to do... I was a student. That was a priority, and I finished it. Everytime I tried to take on a job full time, school full time, church commitments and desires to serve, time with friends, and having free time I think it was Wayne Lidbeck (but of course he is always referred to until the day I die as Mr. Lidbeck) that God called me and placed me in the role of being a student, and that was my priority. As I am still going through slowly the John Piper book "Don't Waste Your Life", I wonder what God will call me to next. I know what God wants of me, and that includes being responsible and having respect for other, integrity, dignity, and in all that a genuine love for others.... as Christ loves the church. What's next though? I am working in the hospitality field and am blessed with all considering the current state of the economy, I have amazing and wonderful roommates whom I love dearly, an amazing Church family, a great family, friends who continue to bless me, and I live in a place better than what I deserve. I was talking to a dear friend tonight about what we deserve and what is best for us as people.... and really.... our desire should be what God's Best is for us. Not our best or the worlds best, or so and so's best... but GOD'S BEST. And sometimes it is faith and putting off worry, and taking a risk.

The past month or so.... I have gone back and forth on going back to school. Grad school? Or getting a second bachelors (possibly in Biblical Counseling or Marketing... or even Wine and Vitaculture). I feel like I have so many interests and things I enjoy or would do well at, that I could do an array of things. Then I remember that regardless of what I do... I will be the happiest not behind a desk in a cubicle with minimal human interaction from 9-5. I want to help people, I want to build relationships... I want to have a job, or being in a career that let's me show God's love and compassion. So, back to the drawing board. While my degree offers avenues to go into Non-Profit, Church Ministries (planning and organizing), fundraising.... it all seems part of the game (making profit, and not doing something that is not fullfilling). While I enjoy studying tourism, and sharing my love for SLO County, or being that ridiculous planner of events, or working for a winery. 60 hours a week working is not me. As much as I like to be busy, I don't want the same thing keeping me busy. Working, and not having the time to enjoy the life I am "working" to have.

So as I continue to pray I am open about returning to school. Not for a degree, as of yet. I am interested in Dental Assisting. I don't know if I want to do orthodontics, but I know there is security in the economy with the medical field, it is good money to pay off debt and not struggle, and I would be helping people. Especially if I got to work in a child's office. So it is something I am thinking about to get accepted into the program through Allan Hancock in Santa Maria. They take 28 students year, and so I may spend Fall preparing with taking care of pre-reqs that I didn't fulfill during my General Ed at Poly includind a biology class, nutrition sciences, and a CPR class... and then I will have the requirments. I am still praying, and nothing is for sure, and this is a pretty new developement. I just know I want to help people, and I want my job to be part of that. I know I want to have the right scheduling so I can serve with my church family, and also be an active part with friends and see them when they aren't working. Getting out of debt is also another big one for me. So, it seems like a lot, but it's not. I think God is just opening up doors to areas He may bless for me to walk through.

Prayer Requests:
My mom-- her health and her to heal or for God to provide the resources needed for her to get better.
My roommate Kim as the quarter is quickly approaching the end for perserverance
My friend Brian who is looking for a job
Reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships
Direction
My brother in his moving out of my parents house after he graduates in June
CAMP CHALLENGE 2009- Pray for the staff, the kids, and the ministry of what God will be doing! We may see a decrease with the cost of camp v.s. the economy. So pray for God's provision for kids to come (and money not be a hinderance in what God wants to do in their lives for that week)
A friend of mine who's marriage is not going well. For guidance and clarity on the Lord's will. And a peace about a decision to be made, and the answer clearly being from the Lord to both of them. For the husband who's heart is hardened to be broken and restored!

The mouth is the window of the heart

February is going to be a good month. A month to apply something to my life... or make it even more so. This morning Mike Gunderson (the pastor at my church-- Oak Park Christian Church) preached on Colossians 3:15-17:

(from Bible Gateways):

Colossians 3:15-17 (English Standard Version)

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Mike talked about how if the eyes are the window of the soul, then the mouth can be seen as the window to the heart. Because as he reminded us.... the abundance of the heart... the mouth speaks. Putting aside crude humor, gossip, bitter talking, slander-- but we are to edify, encourage, and love one another. And to have peace with one another. The more God is prominent in our lives.... His peace will be in us.

I know I was reminded that when I speak I want it to be loving, necessary, and edifying. I want to continue to encourage others-- show them Jesus... and live peacefully. The closer I get to God, the more this can and will come to fruition.

Such a great reminder of what God has called us to. We are called to have a lifestyle that shows we are becoming more like Christ with our heart, our compassion towards others, the way we serve others.... I want people to be ministered to. Yes, I want to be known as a nice person and someone who is caring, but it be known that I can't genuinely be any of those things without Christ in my life. He changes when we allow. Earlier in Colossians it talks about putting off.... putting off malice, bitterness, gossip, and everything else that is of the flesh! In James we are also reminded that the tongue is an uncontrollable fire... and it is... if we rely on our own strength.

There are many reasons we can see to choose to not rejoice or have peace. A bad economy, finances, work, relationships going south, and yet He offers so much more. A love that will never go away and does not depend on what I do. Because there is nothing that I will ever do to deserve the grace, mercy, and love of God. But He gives it to me anyway, and that is the same love I want to give to others and the same peace I want in me.

Just thought I would share what God is doing and what He desires, as I was reminded of this morning. It was a good self-check up of where I am at.