Friendly Reflection and Prayer

Life feels like it is in this battle with me for my sanity. I feel like I am doing what God wants in not being selfish with my wants, and not being so picky with how to do things. While I see 3 people in my life recently as those who have brought me hurt... it is amazing whom out of them are making more of an effort than others-- kinda catches me by surprise. Yet, in that, it is the one that I don't want to say I value the most-- but maybe there is more invested in it. In my moment of what seems like I have gone back to where I was a few months ago, the one thing is different... while I am depressed, scared, and just not feeling like God is there... I do know I am blessed. I have a roommate who blesses me with encouraging words from Psalms every day with a note in my room or by my door. I have a friend who is helping me by listening and caring, and then there is another who encourages me with emails and talking and I realize... that is what a friend is. They don't abandon you when times get tough... they walk along side you... and yeah I may have my irrational moments right now... I feel like I am so out of character. I have made a great friend out of a friend at work (the job I barely have hours wise), and that has been a blessing. So, yes, I am blessed. I do have a roof over my head and I have people in my life who love at all times. Last night, I was thinking about one of my favorite worship songs Pastor Tonye wrote (Shoreline Calvary Chapel)... Thank You for the Blood. No greater love has none than this than to lay down life for a friend... words directly out of John. And it is true... that is the best way to love a friend, and to carry their burdens with them and to pray and to encourage. And instead of bailing on them love them the way God does. My mom, whom I love a ton, reminded me that if people are going to treat me a certain way that they have no purpose being in my life. And it is true. I know there are many Christians out there live a life like those who aren't selfishly... well in that I know we are all human. Maybe I just expect too much. Maybe I assume that if you are a Christian... you get it. Maybe I just hold you to a higher standard... could be a mix of the two.

On my mirror in my room I have written Romans 8:18, and pretty much have put it to memory "For the sufferings of the present time are not to be compared to the glory which shall be received in us", and while that is something to look forward to, I think I am also seeking peace now and to know things will be fine. I have the desire to feel that way... and I just don't make it that far. I don't know what happens from my desire to feel that way to my actually feeling that way. I do know I am blessed, I do know that a true friend sticks it out, I do know a true friend lays down their life for a friend, a friend loves at all times (not just when it is convenient or they gain something out of it). A friend forgives, restores, and reconciles. A friend brings you to Christ everytime... and if they allow.... Christ will be revealed in them to you. And that is the friend I want to be. And how do I feel this way and also desire people to see Christ in me? I guess it is a conflict of interest, and I don't know what to do about it.

So, since I haven't done this in a while... my prayer requests are:
-Job situation
-I am getting sick, and it is on the path to bronchitis I feel like... so for healing quickly
-Finances
-My mom's health
-A friend who is currently separated that there would be reconciliation, restoration, and healing
-The reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships
-My dad getting work (he has his own business and it is slow right now)
-My brother to make good decisions as he is graduating from h.s. in June and making decisions about college, jobs, and living situation for that coming up.

And probably the most important: my weakening and discouraged faith. Complacency is putting it lightly, and I am in the spiritual hole I don't know how to get out of, and it is hard, because I remember when I was jumping for joy and it didn't matter what was going on in my life.... and now, there is no jumping... unless I see a spider on the ground... and joy seems like something that is missing. It seems so internal, and I don't know what to do.