Reflections

In one week I get another year older and I look back at this past year and one year ago at this moment I was doing the same thing. I used to love birthdays until I hit about 25. 25 was a tough one, that I didn't handle it very well. I just thought, at that point, my life would be very different. When I turned 25, I had just started a new job that had nothing to do with my degree and making maybe $10 an hour in a bad economy, but thankfully I was working. I was still seeking and seeking "real" jobs, and felt I had missed something. Here I was at 25 without being in a steady relationship (and still to this day have some fear of them), not in the best job, but yet I was surrounded by great friends whom had seen me through a very tumultuous year.

Fast forward and here I am a week til my 28th birthday and I am still in some rut. I have a job with a company that is more "real". I never thought I would be with Verizon this long, but I have been. I don't hate my job by any means. I have some regrets in how I have gone forward (or rather backwards in recent months) with my career. The break from sales has been nice to figure what I want to do. But nonetheless, at a week til 28 I am definitely not where I thought I would be. I thought I would be married, with possibly kids, hopefully owning a home. It is amazing how we have plans for our lives and they don't always pan out that way. I am blessed to live the "dream" of being in NYC and living here. I know it is not forever, and I am learning to enjoy the moments I am in... because life is moving at an ever fast pace, and I only get today once. My personality, by default, is planner. It is not because I desire to be "boring" or not spontaneous, but I think rather it is my need to still be in control, and maybe that is an area God is working on in my life. I have had moments in life where I didn't think things through, I have been in positions I never should have been in... dated the wrong guys, but also the right ones. I have lived with some of the wrong people or lived in the right places, but I have also lived with the right ones in the right places. Life is full of lessons, and there are some I don't care to repeat. I have gone through lots of medical things the past few years with everything from bouts of depression to weight issues to being diagnosed with an auto immune disease. I also never thought the inevitable split of my parents and really family would affect me as much as it has. Here I am, an adult, and angry and feel kinda... broken... when I was not in the marriage, and the divorce does not change who the people are individually in my life. I have worked through most of it through the support of my amazing friends whom I couldn't love more than I do today.

Always about a week before til a week after I am very contemplative on where I am in life around my birthday. I think society brings about expectations  for people on where they should be. By 30, you are supposed to have life all figured out and you are supposed to be stable, in a job, married, and if you are in the christian sub-culture... then you should probably have kids (pretty much the nuclear perfect family). Obviously, I am no where close to even half of those expectations. Granted, I am not in overwhelming debt many of my friends find themselves in with credit cards and those things. I am itching in completing my MBA, which I am hoping for next December if everything goes according to "plan". I am thinking somewhat long term about "buying" in the next 1-3 years a home of the sorts (condo or townhouse really), continuing my career path with Verizon and doing something other than sales, but thinking more long term with operations, management, marketing, or human resources.

With that does come some plans... and part of that is the time frame of my time here in New York. Many are already thrilled and some seem to be more bummed than I am. I will be moving back to California to finish my MBA because there is a class or two I need more help with and being online is not going to get me the success I need. I want to finish this program through Hope and I don't care how it has to go. I know with that I am also ready to start some of my other goals I just listed as well as some bucket list items such as getting my motorcycle license (be a cool way to ring in 29), be around for my two best friends getting married and being closer to my family, friends, and "settling down". It almost seems funny that I will end up settling in San Fernando Valley because really I grew up there with going to church and making some of the best of friends and it is familiar, but I also will be experiencing it through a different perspective.

As 28 comes faster than the speed of sound... I am reflective. Part of it is filled with "what if's" or "Had I....", but nonetheless there is some good and bad that comes with it. Wishing how something would be won't change what it is. I feel like part of me is still searching for the great impact I am to have while I am alive. Another is really seeing God in a different way. I have experienced God's grace over and over, and that I am reminded no matter how much life truly sucks sometimes... God is faithful. His faithfulness is always something we can count on, and it is something that never changes. There are days I hate being at work, or days I am super homesick (and something I feel like I shouldn't be dealing with when my days and months are numbered here to an extent). There is also fear that I will get the drag out from work in transferring back to California-- regardless of the capacity of my position,  and there is also fear I am stuck. My life verse that has been with me since right before I graduated college follows me now and I close with this:

"I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, and to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

Little Things a Post-It Would be Good For...

I am learning more and more everyday little things.... such as headphones are magic in New York City. You become invisible to the crazies. I have such a grown appreciation for escaping into the world of music, but also what they don't know... keeping a low enough volume so I am always aware of what is happening around me. Gotta be smart.

Joined a gym here so I can stay on my goal target... I have a 30-day Challenge/Goal for myself and having weekly tracking to stay on top of it.

I have also learned that I would never have kids and live in the city. I see 9 year olds on a train by themselves and I can not even comprehend that. Like, really?!?!

And.....

One month from today I will be packing to go home for a week.

Things Sure Have a Way of Working Out

I have been in New York for 6 weeks, and I already have a time frame. Many people will be thrilled at this news.... some will be like "Say what?!?!". So let's back track first....


At the beginning of the year I was enrolled at Hope after completing the first year of my Master's program. I love HIU, it has been an amazing program, and even with it being online much to this point, I have so much support academically from the university and professors for my success. Yes, I had this at Cal Poly, but this is so different. I wish at times I had completed my undergraduate work at a Christian university, because it has been such a great process working with great professors who are praying for me and we pray for one another. It's been great. Anyway, I took the courses and they were harder than other classes I had taken in the program up to that point, and then pretty much things in my personal life (my family) was going up in flames in the background. Many know and were so supportive and prayerful in that time. Ultimately, fast forward to the end of the term, and I failed both classes because it was too late for me to file for withdraw or audit. Luckily, I have forgiveness through the university which will allow me to repeat the courses. My plan then was to take a break since my plate was so full. I then was offered to come to NY and transfer with Verizon... here we are.


I have been liking it here... been making good friends, I like the church I am going to, and working like normal. Definitely been struggling with homesickness a bit, but that is normal and I know that. This past week I began the process of ending my "Year of Absence" from Hope and build a plan that would have me complete the last 5 courses I need to finish my MBA, including an end date for graduation of December 2013.  To complete this end date will also involve me retaking Finance and having to exercise the on-campus option... which is once a week in Fullerton for the duration of the course. I am very lucky and fortune to work for a company that enables transfers as well as a company who supports getting a degree or furthering your education. So come Spring I will begin applying (again) to transfer back to California. It is something that is weird to be excited about, because it is like I am just hanging out here on some long-term vacation, and I am in many ways. I have to finish what I started at Hope, and long term, I have always known California is where I would "settle". It makes no sense to move back to California just for the Fall term because Verizon definitely won't let a store "borrow" me for 3 months. So please be praying. California is definitely in my heart, and I was and am... more of a California girl than I thought.

I want to enjoy the time I am here and living my dream/goal of living in NY. Having a great experiences and soaking it all in. If I can do that-- I still succeeded. The plan is to apply in Spring and return back... but not to SLO (now the tears can come). It is not feasible long term to live there with barely any room for growth, and really it makes the most sense with my mom, sister, dad, brother, grandparents.... to live in San Fernando Valley/LA. I will most likely be staying with my Godsister or my mom as I transition back in the summer... and work and focus on completing the program... and graduating (and walking) next December. But then ultimately with a friend we plan to look for a place together down there. It is 15 months away.... but time flies, I mean we are already more than half way done with September, and 2012 is coming to a close. Summer will be here before I know it. Perfect timing would be the beginning of June, but it may not be til later in the summer. Prayerfully sooner rather than later for expenses and school. So please be praying that God would continue to provide, give discernment, and to make things easier on the days I feel unsure or defeated.

Thank you!

Caitlyn

Political Soapbox

As we draw closer to the 2012 Presidential Election, the attacks begin and debates among friends, family, and co-workers as we put in our votes for this year's election. We are voting in a new President or for some voting to re-elect our already appointed official.

I want to make something very clear... it may be news to some of you (surprisingly). I am a believer in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I am not here to seek the approval of man, but God's approval and ultimately am in His accountability. How I vote is a reflection of whom I follow, and before I go into any election I pray for God's discernment and wisdom as I vote. I don't enter the polls blindly, and sometimes I surprise myself when I don't just vote for my party, because generally speaking I suppose that would make sense.  I am a registered Republican currently in a very liberal state, especially liberal city (New York City). I have been voting for 10 years and even was voting all those years in another liberal state, California. I know that my electoral college is going to vote "blue" regardless of how I vote. I am just making my opinion, it is not a say all.

In the re-election of President George W. Bush, I voted for him hands down. I supported him til the end of his Presidency. He is a man who loved this country, loved Jesus, and did all he could to protect our freedoms and keep us safe after the terror of 9/11. I live in a city that still seems to recover from that if you ask anyone. Many people in this city, regardless of their political affiliation, respect him for how he approached and responded to the situation. I have friends who are in the military who supported Bush, and friends in the military now who have never supported Obama. I don't think I have any military friends who support Obama. I have friends who willingly (and I appreciate them, pray for them, and support them) for deploying, enlisting, and joining the armed forces to continue fighting and protecting my freedoms and safety here in the United States of America. I have these friends who know why we have been fighting this war on terror and they go fight it. I couldn't have more respect than I do for these people who literally are on the front lines standing up for the beliefs of what this country was founded on... freedom. He owned up to his mistakes. In this video link below, it reminded me the day I watched it why I was a Republican and why I voted and never had unwavering support for George W. Bush:

In the last election, of McCain v.s. Obama, I voted Obama and the one platform that meant the most to me at that time was International Affairs, the War on Terror, and National Security. I felt McCain had more experience and was a stronger candidate in that area to continue preventing 9/11 from happening again as Bush has done. Now, Bush said some pretty "out there" things but he was also relatable. He brought it home and made it real that we are a country that fights together and sticks together. He was in office when one of the most horrific acts hit our nation, and anyone in his position had to act quickly in order to keep us safe. Last year, with the death of Bin Laden, which was a big victory for America and the War on Terror... Obama took all the credit. Forget the fact Bush had for 7 years of his presidency had been laying the ground work and creating military plans, it is our soldiers who get the credit!! Which leads me to being in alignment with Governor of Arizona in fully closing our borders. We need to take care of our people before the others. There is no such thing as a free lunch and it should not start with those here illegally.

Now, here we are in a new election period and this time the platforms I am most concerned with are economy based. Our deficit has dramatically increased since Obama took office. He made a lot of promises and didn't fully survey the situation. Obama has repeatedly attacked the Christian community, moral values, overturned legislation put into practice by former leadership. He fully supports gay marriage, abortion (I am Pro-Life, so this is a big issue for me), and Obama Care (which I am admittedly against. He wants "In God We Trust" taken off of all public/government property including money, taking "Under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance... Where does it end? When I enter the poll, I have to with a clear conscience say "Okay God, I reflect YOU to my state and country and that there are people in this country who still hold true to this. In the last general election, 30,000 million evangelical Christians did not vote (and were registered), and Obama won the election by just over 10,000 million votes. That is significant. Very significant.

So going in to this election, no one can say anything to make me vote for Obama or for Romney. I am not a supporter of either to be perfectly honest and it is sad we are just a two party system. I don't vote that way, and don't plan to start now. I don't need to have debates on my Facebook page about it if I put up a post about Ronald Reagan (I believe his economic reforms from the '80s were FANTASTIC and he also was a Christian man following Jesus and His morals and platforms displayed as much).

I do pray for our current president daily, for the decisions he has to make, for the proposals he brings before congress and legislation being passed that God's will be done. I serve Jesus, not Barack Obama, or Mitt Romney... or George W. Bush or Lindsay Lohan, but God alone. I am not gonna fight with people about my opinions and feelings. I don't need people forcing their thoughts down my throat until I "see clearly" how I am "wrong". I should just write "Jesus" on the ballot because that is who my true leader of my life is. Now, I am not stupid... I am more than well aware of the likelihood of Obama being re-elected for another 4 years. Completely aware. It is pretty much in his corner. I am not surprised, or even shocked. Do I think the country will get better? No. Do I think we will continue to lose moral sight of things? Yes. However, I don't think Romney is much better.

My Food Rant

I have noticed something here in New York... something interesting enough to share in a little blip... and since this is my blog... I can do that, so here I go.

With all of the coffee shops in the city that are unique in atmosphere, people who go there, flow of traffic, and offerings.... (and many are not too crowded) how does the majority choose Starbucks? Is it convenience?

Now, I reside upstairs in on the 2nd floor of a 4 story walk up building on the Upper West Side in New York. Starbucks is just on the bottom level, and I still don't have the craving or addiction to it. Granted, every 15 drinks I do get one for free.... which is smart business on Starbucks' part. However, I walk by many little hole in the walls, corner buildings of local "only in New York City" places that are half as crowded-- and smell amazing as I walk by and yet... Starbucks every one of them, a block apart from another is almost line out the door crazy.

Then, being in a city with Restaurant Row, having some of the most amazing restaurants and foods in the country.... what is packed every single day?? Chipotle! How does a restaurant, that was once upon a time owned by McDonald's Corporation, that busy and popular with all the other options around. You see more tourists in these two places than anywhere else. Now, when I was just a visitor here... or "tourist" if you will.... I would not gravitate to those places (I can get them ANYWHERE). It is about getting something you can't get anywhere else. It is what makes the city not seem so big because you have "local" things and holes in the wall...

I think for me it all comes down to that. I come from a small town... well anything is smaller than New York City, but supporting mom and pop shops and not corporate America seem the way to go. I know, I work for Verizon, another corporate giant, but I feel like it is more odd to go to run of the mill, every day places than ones where there is none like it. I know the choco bar on Broadway has great dark espresso.... but doesn't mean I can get the same taste somewhere else. Maybe that is what it is.... consistency.

Starbucks who is known for lowering the quality of their product and raising the cost of the product is consistent for that. I even think they stopped their "legendary service" moniker because they just want you in and they want you out. However, you can go anywhere in the world and most likely.... your grande vanilla latte with soy is going to taste exactly the same... brown milk with some sugar.  It is comfortable, it is what we know... we ook for green mermaid cups and know that Starbucks can't be far behind. We go to Chipotle because it is a get you in and get you out place. No need to connect with anyone, it is an assembly line up to get a burrito and be on your way.

I want to challenge friends and whomever gazes on this... go local... for 1 month. Support local business, try new food, don't go to fast foods, go to that hole in the wall place that seems dim... you never know what you will find. Perhaps expanding your horizons will be a good change for you :)

Love

Where did the year go? Tis year has flown by and now we are about to enter Fall.

I have now been in the city and taking it all in for about a month... And I  have only driven once since being here when out in Long Island. This past week I received my NY state driver license after a week prior surrendering my California Driver license. at the same time also changed/updated my voter information.

God is good. I am reminded of this daily from people I have met, friends I have made, those I have reconnected with, and the church I have become plugged into. I am blessed with great roommates who brought me in as an instant friend within their groups, and now go to the same church as one of them. After a few tries at churches here in the city I have begun regularly attending and signed up for community groups with Redeemer Presbryterian Church... Music to my mother's ears as she also goes to a Presbryterian church. Tim Keller is a great speaker and brings solid teachings, as do the other pastors of the church at the three congregations in the city. I also began re-reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and I am once again in a moment of re-examining where I am in my relationship with Jesus and seeing where I need to grow. I just finished the chapter about being "Luke warm", and two things stuck out to me where I identified where I am and where I want to be. Those reminders are also quite the rude awakening.

As I enter the fall season I pray it is a time I continue to grow and develop as I seek opportunities and see the doors God is opening and which he closes. There are moments I am homesick as I miss friends and the life I had built for 10 years and my church family, but I know this change was good and God really had everything fall into place in His time and I am learning so much about myself and seeing God work as He provides, protects, and changes. Prayers in this area are welcomed. Also prayers for my brother who continues to struggle with his inner demons and having no direction. He truly needs to let Jesus fully in His life and this is my biggest prayer for him. Also, I am trying to be at peace and learning more and more to love like Jesus to others as this is the foundation of who He is and also the hardest thing as people to do.