Wake Me Up... When September Ends!

We are definitely in the Fall season because has in an instant become 100% busier! Crazy how a time of year can do that. It has been a busy month this September and it is a great warning of what is to come. September marked the annual camping trip my roommates go on with Kristi's family and I got to go this year, which I was stoked on. We went up to Kings Canyon and it was just a really great time to be with friends... and get this... no phone, no internet, no tv... we had to like talk-- to each other. It was a great time... did tons of hiking, picture taking, eating, and trying to not get attacked by bears. I have pictures posted on Facebook for you to check out-- if we are FB friends of course.

September also brings the commitments for the "school year". I may not be in school anymore, but life gets dictated by that schedule it seems. Jr. High and High School Ministry is back in full swing and Aaron is doing a great job heading it off with a great serious that have left our youth kids alot more open and vulnerable... and definitely they are trusting each other much more, which is wonderful! We have a few new ones too, and they are acclimating well. Choir is also back in the schedule, because Christmas is only 3 months away and 2.5 months is Adult Choir Programs.... so here we are... and also keeping in shape with 4 nights at the gym, working there on Saturdays, job hunting, trying to stay healthy (and that is a battle I am losing)!

So a preview of the havoc about to take over my life: Youth Retreat, my birthday, my roommate Chrissie's bday, a trip to my mom's to go to a family friend's wedding, a halloween party, choir practices, youth group, holiday evening job searching, preparing to be sick (I get sick every year in October.... it never fails),taking on more babysitting as the holidays approach; Then we have Thanksgiving, Drive Thru Nativity, two weekends of choir performances, and then CHRISTMAS! And then New Years. I know October sounds like tons of fun planned, and yet it all never leaves time for sleeping. It is crazy how this time of year consumes us all. Fall seems to do it with big energy. Then we take January to recover right before.... tax season.

I am continuing to pursue jobs in New York, looking into the shoreline area of New Jersey, Washington, Arizona (I really don't want the last two mentioned... but...), Los Angeles, the Bay Area, and the good 'ole Central Coast. So prayers for that would be fantastic!

And that's it in a nutshell. October promises some great moments... and I will share those moments as they come!!

Blessings and Joy,
Caitlyn

Do I love God enough?

I think already the answer to this is: no.

Let me backtrack a bit... This week I talked to a dear friend whom I have known since my early college days (seems forever ago now). They are someone I remember always being full of energy, and someone you couldn't get to stop moving. Always had to do something, go somewhere... be active. And this was someone passionate about the Lord and was active with their church and other community groups with Cal Poly and the community. Fast forward to a few years later... graduated, married, has a great little family... and things are very different. Not the same outgoing, loves people, and adventure. Now seems as though they are "trapped" in a life they don't want, and they have no happiness or joy. They said it themselves... they don't know how to love God.

It is easy to say "well yes it is... just do what he tells you to do". But truly that statement alone is a challenge. Because if we love God we will keep his commandments. We will worship him with how we live our lives. He doesn't call us to be qualified to be in a relationship with him, just willing. He will do the rest. Sometimes we don't think we are good enough-- well none of us are, and God knows that. If there was a certain standard on "how bad we are" before coming to him and he said you can only be "this" bad... and the rest are not in.... well no one would make the mark. Because with God it is all or nothing. You can't fool God.
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It takes a lifetime to truly know God, and even when we die... we won't know everything. It takes an eternity. But we know the basics... God so loved the world, that he gave his only son. We know he sacrificed something HUGE because in return he was not having to sacrifice us. His creations... his children. All of his children. It is our choice to except that. Now, it is all in faith, but it is also in knowing God is active, relentless, and working. I see God work all the time... in healing others, in speaking to others... for me it is humbling me in the moments where my pride gets the best of me. God and I have this relationship where it is just real. The best kind of communication-- blunt and to the point. If I mess up, oh I will know quickly. I can't keep my head in the sand forever for God. But.... if I believe, have the faith, and wake up every morning and say I love the one who sent his son to die for me. I love the one who provides for my needs, protects me, and gives me peace... today I chose happiness. I choose to be content. I will love God today by loving others, being open and ready in and out of season for how he wants to use me. I see where I am in my walk with the Lord or what I believe when I am sitting in my car driving to work or home from work singing to Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman, or even the Newboys. I see God working in my life as he gives me the words to share with others, encourage... they are definitely his words and not my own. I believe it all... but sometimes in these moments when I lay out my faith... I am reminded on what it is I do base my beliefs on. My favorite song when I am feeling bummed, and it was first introduced to me in one of the lowest times of my life: San Diego. It was a harsh 4 months... and I wouldn't want to relive it... but it was a personal hell on the inside for long after I moved out and back home to the central coast. God never let go. While I worked to push people away and destroy them in the process... and just  being self destructive.. there was God... "No, Caitlyn, I am not going to let you do this!!" I was blessed and I still am with the people who stuck by me. Those who never gave up on me... they were a testament for God's love and his relentlessness to me. My roommates, church friends, even my non-Christian friends...  (Matt Redman "You Never Let Go")

I lost friends too... and even coming out of the wreckage and wondering... could we be friends now... with who I am today and how I see things now, and where God is in my life... could it be? Could we love each other again? And I don't know the answer. Obviously God has not put them back in my life.... so that may be a no. But we still love because HE first loved us. We show the grace and mercy to others we want shown to us. We pray for those because were it reversed we hope we would be loved enough to be prayed for. For those to love us enough to not give up hope. God is the example of relentless love. If you haven't read 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan, I highly recommend it!!! It touches very much on this subject.

So... if you struggle with "Do I love God enough?" "Do I love people enough?" "Will I ever love God enough?" Then you are not alone. But it is our heart. Loving genuinely, unconditionally, and with out expecting a thing in return. God loves us... he loves the world, and yet many reject it. Your love may get rejected by some, but God will bless you for blessing others in His time.

Fall Kick-Off... in High Gear!!

Life is very funny. Never turns out as you think it will. And people never end up being the people you have made them out to be. Or maybe they always were them, and you never wanted to see them that way.

For months, even a few years I have been desiring with my whole heart to move back east and have a long and successful career in New York City. I am not opposed to this idea still, and do apply for jobs as they arise. I just can't keep forking over the dough to pay for myself to be flown out for interviews. I am also trying to be more open minded and applying for jobs here in California in the Bay Area and Los Angeles (yes, I know, I do hate LA). I know God is putting it on my heart to be here for my family, where I can get to them if need be, and vise versa. Right now, I do have a job that is not too bad, and I work once a week at the gym and get free membership in exchange (oh Dave Ramsey, you would be proud of me).

I am continue my perseverance to take my goals by the horns and accomplish them, I just need to have the understanding that God does not work on my time table, but his. So this is a prayer for me along with praying for my family.

Over the past month I have had the opportunity to connect with several people I haven't seen in years, or even in just a year. And all surprising outcomes. I went back to Frazier Park in August, and I was surprised how well I was connecting with some of the people I didn't connect with much "back in the day". Thanks to Facebook, MySpace, and whatnot have reconnected in that way, but something about face-to-face, made the difference. It was the most fun I have had up there in all the 8 years I had been gone. I think I finally saw it as a place my life was, and not is. A place that got me to where I am now. Cause if I had not been in Frazier, I would never have come up for camp through Lebec Church, and found out about the Central Coast, and probably wouldn't have persued it... or the boy that was here either (okay, that part--- yeah would take that back). And then connecting with a friend from college... and we just weren't meshing. I can't figure out why. She said I was "different". And I think life has just calmed me down a little bit, made me more of a realist, but also took me back to the core of who I have always been "Blunt, to the point, and not being a doormat". Just learning to stand my ground, and to be true to me. Loving others, but not letting it be an open invitation for abuse, dishonesty, cheating... and well... I am still working on forgiving a couple people who really hurt me... and I want to want to forgive them, so I know that is the first step really... and I know in time it will happen... with God's help.

I appreciate all the prayers I have had from those of you who either know the whole deal with what's going on in my life, and those who just know bits and pieces. I am grateful to those of you who pray when maybe I have said nothing, but God has laid it on your heart. I am reminded as we now are in fast approaching holiday mode (I know, can you believe it?!?! already?!?!).

As we approach Fall my prayer requests are these:

Continue to pray for my brother, for his hardened heart. That God would continue to soften it and for him to truly know God and have a real relationship with him which will in turn deal with alot of the issues he is going through and facing, and for his first semester of college after taking a year off school.

Continue to keep my mom in prayer. God knows the details. I know she is truly blessed by the outpouring of love through prayer-- especially for those who don't know her praying!

Praying for a healthy Fall. I always seem to get sick this time of year around my birthday, so prayer for a new tradition of not being sick!

Prayer for the ministries at church. Youth Ministries I am blessed to be serving in. Prayer for the leaders, Youth Pastor and his wife as we prepare for Fall and everything that goes with it to be available to the students and to  recognize those divine appointments with them! Prayer for the enemy to not divide our group and cause destruction. More unity for us! Prayer as our high schoolers go through Financial Peace (Generation Change) this season! For it to be fruitful and beneficial to them!

Prayer as I continue to seek job direction. To not be discouraged, but to trust God to meet my needs in his time, and know where ever I am. He will use me! And prayer for my roommates too. For health and to not get too stressed out with work and obligations. That we would find times of rest, and grow closer to one another, and be more loving. Prayer for those moments of discouragement to be lifted up and reminded of our blessings!

Thank you! And thanks for always being faithful friends and praying. It has been a tough few months for me with things going on.... that seem to be out of my control, and I think I need to better realize that.