Earning Time

I have never thought of time as something to be earned. I think about how I spend my own time and what I "waste" time doing and find so many opportunities to change it. I want the time I have to be productive...ninvesting in people and in my own life. One of my biggest pet peeves in the world is what people are late to things or don't plan well resulting in flaking on me or being late, when I have done what I can to be on time. It is a sign of respect... And respecting others is a big one for me in general. I do what is in my control to be a person of my word and do what I say I will do... Including WHEN. I don't think this should be difficult, yet it is for a lot of people. Time management is a skill we all need professionally and personally to be 1. Productive and 2. To show respect for self and others. I value people I choose to spend time with enough to be on time, and having been in a family my whole life who can't be on time and always being an hour late to holidays and missing the first 15-20 of church... Thisis something I have definitely embraced in not doing once I was in control of my time and responsible for my time. Time encompasses so much of who we are and we complain so much about not having enough time or how "time flies", but how much do we waste or not pay attention to? I think some comes down to just not caring and being selfish, but other parts I think other people don't share their importance of time and let it slide. We have so much time each day outside of work to enjoy being outside or to be with people.. And it is also priorities (which we talked with our youth kids about this past Wednesday). How much time do I truly give God each day? Or time do I truly give to people? Or is it wasted being on Facebook or watching tv? I am guilty of this at times and it is something I really want to commit to changing a bit. I began using the phrase I hate " I'm just so busy"... But it is amazing how much time I find to do the things I think are important or waste on myself and not spending with other people. I tell people I am busy and can't make plans but if someone else whom I value greater perhaps..... I somehow have all the time in the world...or I make it happen. This is so wrong.... God doesn't always put people in my life for me but perhaps it is about them. Being selfless with my time realizing it is all borrowed time from God is the biggest take away I can give. I am here to love and serve.... and my tool is time.

Not Knowing

I hate not knowing. I also hate being put into suspense... when it has to do with me. I am not good at waiting, God knows that. For the past 10 years (well 10 years in July) I have lived in one of the most beautiful places with amazing people. I have made wonderful relationships with people who have impacted my life. Some of those people have been in my life for just a short season, and others are still here for what could be a lifetime.

Lately, and when I mean lately I mean like several months, I have been itching.... to go. Go somewhere new, or somewhere that can help fill in the blanks to things I desire to have in my life. I love the central coast, but I will say... it is a cutesy town where everyone is married with kids in their 20's and I am not there, and you definitely can feel like an outsider. Not to say I don't want those things... I do... but I am not rushing either. When I am ready to have those things.... the pool is quite mirky.... and what is in the pool... not much. The pressure to have the family is something I think that happens in a small town. In a bigger city no one cares as much, the couple cliques aren't there, and the pressure is off. There are moments where I don't want to get married ever because I like the freedom to go and do what I please and also... 50% of marriages end in divorce, I am watching it happen right now in my own family and I can't handle it at times. It infuriates me because people's true colors come out in the moments of "getting what's theirs" or rather what they think is there. I don't want the same odds. But as I itch towards 30 in the next two years and kick and scream to get there... I wonder if I missed a boat to go somewhere I should be. Am I behind? Have I forever missed what I should have? I have pursued NY and it seems to get my hopes up and crash and burn. Maybe it is just supposed to be a special place I visit every year.... I wonder these things and I pray all the time that God would open my heart to where I am supposed to be if it is not NY.

Currently, I am pursuing option 2.... Southern California. Unlike my last attempt that took me miserably to San Diego where I was in a bout of serious depression, I came back because I left for the wrong reasons. I had left to hide and I complained the whole time to everyone around me. Well here we are 4 years after that experiment and working for a company I like, and making good money... all good stuff right?! But something is missing..... the other stuff I want at some point, and it won't happen here most likely. I don't like the Bay Area... and well.... I don't know where else to go... but I know I need to go somewhere. So Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley seems like the best option because I know it. It is familiar, there is no big adjustment. So... we shall see where this road takes me.