Scared for the answer you wanted?!

Have you prayed so much for something and wanted it so bad, that you were afraid to take it when it was given to you?

I think that is the path I am on. The further I get in this job process with IIR/IBC the more nervous I get. About measuring up and being that person on my resume (and none of it is fudged). Wanting to meet and exceed expectations... even the ones you have of yourself?!

I wonder sometimes why I don't always feel this way in my relationship with God. Wanting to always be the best I can be for Jesus. Wanting to be a good witness, a good sister in Christ, and a good friend. How can I be the best when I am a sinner and will, at some point, fail someone or at something?

This fear of failure is something I have always had. Not wanting to be proven wrong, which leads me to being prideful right? I don't want the failure of San Diego to always be looming as a possibility to happen again! I want to succeed. I also know that everything I want is something I need to work for. My mother and I were talking last night and the subject of "laziness" came up and being a sloth. And I don't ever want to be considered to be that kind of person. I want to be someone who is known to work hard, to work for everything I have. To give all praises for what I do have to God. He allows blessings into my life as well as the trials. But I want to always be doing something. Something of Purpose....as God has called me to be. In the work place, in the mission field, in the lives of others, and for God! How do I do that when I have this fear of failure and not being good enough? Why am I so scared to accept the thing I have wanted for years and now it may look like it will happen?! Uncertainty, and all the details in such a short matter of time perhaps. I think this is another one of those moments where I need to trust God with the details. He is a Pastor, Provider, and Protector..... and I just need to remember that in my moments of uncertainty, in my moments of anxiety, and doubt. To remember He has brought me so far, even with my fears.... and humbled me when He came through.

So I am trying to be calm. Trying to trust. Trying to not get ahead of myself. Trying to understand that if something is meant to happen, it will and trusting the Lord. Living my passions of writing, serving others, the event industry, serving youth and children.... missions.... I want to see life for how big it really is.... because I have been blessed for almost 26 years with small doses through small windows.... I am scared.... am I ready to see the world bigger than I have? Outside of my comfort zone?

Do you allow God to take you out of your comfort zone?  Something to think about. I know it is okay to be scared and worried.... we are people with emotions and feelings-- God created us as such.... but in that fear do we trust God to do away... Fear Not for HE is with US!