Dear "Friend"

Dear "Friend",
It is even weird as I write this with someone is mind to say "Friend", because I think that word has been absent for months in how we would view each other-- or at least we are definitely in different chapters of a book.

We have argued over things that started out petty, and then it turned into 2 years prior of life that has had its ups and downs. You have decided when conversations and discussions will end, disregarding my feelings and disrespecting me. Should I still call you friend? You seem to rather just be my friend when the things in life are going great and there is no trial in my life-- because the moment a trial comes my way... you seem to disappear. How many phone calls and texts have I sent and yet received nothing back? Busy is never an excuse, because we all get busy, yet it is amazing what we are able to make time for if it is important to us. It is amazing that even "Christian Friends" are just as selfish as those who aren't Christian, and sometimes even more so. It is amazing how there are people out there who can dish out the hurt, and when someone defends themselves they cry victim. Here I am apologizing for my actions when I hurt or cause pain or do something that affects you, but nothing is ever returned. Here I am feeling guilty, and I bet you could care less. You won't notice me not so prominent in your life, and in fact you probably wouldn't miss me. Maybe I was never good enough, maybe I am not pretty enough, or smart enough. Maybe I am lame because I am not in the same place in life as you. Maybe our foundation of common ground has changed, and life has changed us both. I won't let you invalidate my feelings, make me feel small, or let you be a bully. I won't let you or anyone take away my worth and I won't waste my time on someone who won't put in any effort for reconciliation and work to restore. The relationship must never have been important to you for you to do nothing, and the last memory I have.... you hurt me, betrayed me, and stabbed me in the back. Doesn't sound like the actions of what a "friend" would do. Does that sentence sound familiar? It should, because I didn't revolve my life around yours and I kept my backbone strong, and you didn't like it.

So, yes... I am hurt, ticked, and angry. And I have a right to be, and what kind of "friend" treats someone like that knowingly and feels no remorse. I have yet to hear and apology, but telling me you "respect my decisions" what I was looking for. I don't need your approval, or blessing.... and frankly right now... don't want it, don't need it, so you can hold on to it. I don't want the negative energy in my life, and I am not solely responsible for where the stuff lies. You may not like my words, and like you... I don't care. I am not worried about it... and you never worried about my feelings, and I held back hurt and times of feelings left out as you pushed me aside for those you prefer over me. As you move to the next chapter in life, I will not be there by your side. I support it, but I also support standing up for whats right and treating others better and not using certain events in life as an excuse to treat people like you are the princess and everyone else should be "honored". Not how it works, especially with me.

So, I am not saying we are not friends... you said it. At this point, I am just not worried about whether or not we become "best friends" because that probably will never happen, and nothing will be as it was. Trust has been broken... and once disrespect is an issue... it is hard to get that back for me. By God's grace I will continue to move forward, worry less, and cling to positive energy and a life that He will honor. Whether you are there is up to you, and how close you get will be up to me.

Caitlyn

* Authors note: Don't be the friend to someone who may one day send you a letter like this. Be the friend God asks you to be, follow the golden rule. Take on the burdens of those around you and go through each trial together. Love, support, and pray for them. Respect them and give them a reason to trust you.