2 Week Sabbatical?

With the ways of life comes the unexpected. After hearing James 1:2, it came into play in my own life. God is working, and I don't understand. I know there is a purpose, and for the first time in awhile I am really doing everything I can to trust Him. I have been waking up alot earlier than my alarm and I know this is the time God is giving me to give back to Him. Before even getting out of bed I am reading my bible and praying. Praying for Lakeside, the youth group, my roommates, my family, Mike, our relationship, and the changes and eliminations needed in my life.

I grew up as the loud and social butterfly. Underneath that I feared criticism and those close to me were not as supportive of the things I wanted to do in life. Going to Cal Poly was never a goal of mine people took seriously. When I wanted to move to SLO back when I was 16 I was discouraged by so many people; being told it would never happen, or that there was no way I was smart enough to get into Poly. I worked more to prove them wrong than to do it for myself and to achieve my goal. I test the waters of my goals to make sure that is what I want, as I did with SLO/Cal Poly. A couple years ago I wanted to graduate and then move to NYC. My confirmation of that desire was in NY over break. Great to visit, but after a week being there I was aching to be home, and I still had 5 days left in NY. It was a great visit, but my heart for NY was not what it is for SLO, and never will be. I love SLO and it has such a special place in my heart and has since my first year of Camp Challenge when I was 13.

As I make my goals known I still wonder how that all fits in to God's plan. I guess he will reveal that to me when I am supposed to know. I also know I have personal goals when it comes to my relationship with Michael.... til I am out of debt (credit cards, medical bills), then I will not think about a serious relationship with him which would bind us together. I will not have him inherit that debt, and it is not right. I also have growing to do. Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman is who I need to be.

My sabbatical from Michael.... a time of reflection of my own heart and the damage I contribute to our relationship. My sharp tongue and attitude which comes off as manipulative, and I am not going to make excuses. I don't mean to give grief, I don't mean to embarrass or belittle. I don't know why. You know when Paul in Romans 7 talks about doing the things we don't want to do, but we do them anyway? I know it more references other sins, but even in this case it is like a flesh and spirit battle, and the spirit is losing to my pride and it sucks. I know what is right and I want what is right and yet can't do it? What is wrong with me? How close is God to me if it is all happening? Praying that God will reveal my heart to me more and where He needs to be in it. How can I be more encouraging for Michael. I know that these things are pushing Michael away.... God is working, I have gotten so much encouragement from people at church without my saying anything that we have been in their prayers jointly and individually, and also some text messages. So I know God is being faithful and listening, and I am not exercising trust and patience.... even though I am so tempted to do what is in my nature... not trust and hound.

Read 1 Corinthians if you have the time. It has been a blessing to me in my morning time in the Word. I am about to go through The Purpose Driven Life again I think.... we will see once I have a good chunk of this senior project done.

Prayer Requests: Housing for me and my roommates, work, senior project, My relationship with God, My tongue and attitude, Mike, our relationship.

Thanks friends, in Christ,
Caitlyn

p.s.: I did it!! De-activated and canceled my myspace! It was a good decision I think :)
p.p.s: Took Graduation pics this week. Let me know if you would like to see more.