June Blooms Unknown Flowers

This is the week of feeling so uncertain. As me and the roommates find a house I wonder if this is what I am supposed to be doing, and the doubt begins. As I graduate in a week and a half, with no real job prospects in sight I wonder... am I supposed to stay here? The jobs aren't here but my friends are. I am kinda scared to sign a year lease and in 6-months realize I shouldn't have signed it. As I keep my options open I begin to look South and North and all around for where to next. Do I stay here, and really why? Yes, I do have ministry here with Lakeside, but being able to pay bills and live not just paycheck to paycheck is another desire of mine. I know I am short-changing myself in staying in SLO. So do I plan and set a goal? If I don't find a job here in one year I leave?!

I am looking now, and I mean I guess worst case scenario I move and sublease my room and help pay that persons portion if that is what is needed. I am looking for jobs in San Diego, Santa Barbara (I don't think I want to go there though), NY, Seattle, Monterey/Salinas, or the Bay Area. San Diego more seriously though than the rest. I don't want to live in LA and I still maintain that feeling. I want my beach, my mountains, my California weather. So now what? I guess I start praying for discernment.

As I finish up my senior project these next few days I know my time is running out and it has been a tough few weeks. God has revealed where I need to go, it has been a time full of hurt, pain, anxiety, worry, excitement. I guess this is another test from God. A fear of the unknown and just having the faith that He is going to take care of it.
I wish my best friends would both be at my graduation, but at this point I guess one will do, and that is uncertain in itself. With Mike and I not currently dating (yeah I know, again.... but hey I am trying to keep up myself), I don't want to lose my best friend either. While I don't know what the future holds, which is apparent by my panic attack of what now, I know everything happens for a reason and in God's time. I am not saying Mike and I will ever get back together in dating. I think alot of growth needs to happen and alot of God leading ya know? But I focus on Philippians 3:13 when Paul instructs that we PRESS on towards the goal of the outmost call of Jesus Christ. Leaving everything that is in the past, the past, and move forward. I don't know what will happen I am not pushing or preventing anything. I guess this is a time to be open to what God will do and what he will do through me and any relationship and type I am in.

Prayer Requests: Healing (reconciliation and restoration), direction, discernment, God's help in holding my tongue. Housing.

Thanks,
Caitlyn