Focusing on what I do have...

It is to easy to forget what we have been blessed with when we are plagued with trials. Sometimes their scale is small, and in some cases they are larger. I know for me... in the midst they seem too big and that they aren't going anywhere. All it took was for a few friends to text me or call me and it just encouraged me and reminded me that God has put some amazing people into my life-- and these were each from great guy friends whom I hold in high regard.

This morning started out just rough. Get to my car to head to work and my tire is flat. So thankful for signing up for Toyota Care in the exhausted hysteria I had when I bought my car (just hours after moving back from NY), and it came in handy. The quick response was awesome, and it also revealed that I must have hit something pretty massive to cause a flat tire.... a puncture hole and damage to my tire's rim. Well at this point I am late for work, and with the spare take side streets. In San Fernando Valley... this is not always a joy or the most convenient... but I do it cause I feel safer at lower speeds. I drop off my car at the dealer (which is like 2 blocks from work) and find out the costly damages. Not what I was prepared for this morning. I have an emergency fund (thanks to lessons from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University), but I know this does not constitute as an emergency. As I am signing off and waiting for their shuttle to drop me off at work I get a text that was just another blow to the morning.  The text was definitely not one I was prepared to receive, and yet I was praying as I responded in a way I felt would not be something to regret later... unfortunately the end result is the same and a friendship has come to an end. I am learning in those moments that there is a season... some are short, and some are long-- and while today seemed like an eternity.... sometimes God brings things to an end because His will and desire for them to continue is not so. Anyways... both those things put me in the worst mood and I walk into work (late-- and I HATE being late).... and as fast as I can try to shake off the morning.... and I just can't. I get some difficult people and I do my best to pass it off because I can't handle conflict or disputes today.... I go to lunch and in this pick up my car and on the way call my mom. Now... at almost 29 years old... to call my mom.... (I can't go crying to my dad because I think he just gets over whelmed and he got the pre-whelmed this morning). and I just start to cry... I tell her about my morning and how this ruins my plans for other things (financially speaking), and I think I unleashed like months of pent up stress and anger and just "ugh".... and there is something freeing about crying.... cause once you're done... then what? You get up and dust off, and move forward.

Later in the afternoon, the couple of texts came and they made me smile and remember that regardless of what I can't control, it is nice when you can't control the friends who text you when you need it. To remind you there are people always praying for you, thinking of you, and wanting God's best for you. Even just a "Hey, how are you?" has a comfort to it. Later even, I get a missed call from a very dear friend (not knowing he was calling me back as my phone likes to randomly call him from time to time). I end the work day in pretty good standings sales wise (my Manager states I am more profitable when I am not in a good mood-- not sure how to take that)... anyways... I leave work and call my friend back, when I learn I called him first... and it was just nice to catch up, talk about random things, and it made me feel like I was still in the loop with the group (back in Five Cities). This was a day I was wishing I lived near Amanda or Ali since best friends are always the best medicine for distractions, but I got off the phone reminded that it is not about who is not in my life... it is about who is in my life. Relationships that are equal give and take, and ones that are uplifting, encouraging, and beneficial. If they are unhealthy or cause you to not be who you truly are-- then what are they to you. I have always struggled with who I "should be" around people and I realized... I need to be the one who God sees all the time-- the work in progress mess. Yes, today was that example... I am a mess. In that mess it is weird how far I have come... anytime I would have a trial... it would always involve money somehow and I would freak out. Maybe FPU changed a lot of that, but I think I always remember "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it". God is faithful; He will never leave me or forsake me. Even today. Today when I wanted to just vent and say what was on my mind in my frustrations... He was there to guard my tongue and let me stew and calm down. He knew who I needed to interact with today in order to make it through. I made it through a rough day and I know tomorrow will have it's own "troubles", and then I will have amazing days where it seems like it is good enough to win the lotto... because as my friend Susee says "Life's tough, wear a helmet".... I think the best protection I have is keeping Him close to my heart and His Word to be reflected on and meditated on throughout the day. At the end of the day, I have my health, my friends, my family, and God continues to bless me when I do not deserve it.

I need to focus on what God has given me.... I need to slow down and listen more. I need to focus on quality in my life over quantity, and only let in what is healthy, beneficial, and will grow me. I need to remember the blessings when the enemy is trying all he can to knock me down and doubt my faith. It doesn't matter what I don't have... if I don't have the power to change it, why focus on it?! I need to be thankful for what I have and I need to be content in that-- even when it is hard. The older I get, the more solid I am seeing who my true friends are. The ones who I can see in the good times in my life, and in the bad, and in the one boring times (I am more boring than most people think). I need to focus on following my convictions, and not getting worked up over things I have no control over. In the moments I feel heavy hearted.... natural reaction should be going right to prayer... I need to focus on that and not "reacting". As I sit here writing, which is the best medicine for me.... I see my whole day... and it could have been worse. Granted, it was not the best day but in the end I made it to and from work unharmed, I was reminded that I could be "unemployed" and I am not, I see the results of hard work in my life by the job I have and where I live. One bad text message was overshadowed by the outpouring of grace, love, and care from the people God has put into my life-- at the moment I needed to be reminded. To love someone unconditionally is to accept everything and not expecting that person to change. A friend of mine, Nathan Shields (which I think he got it from someone else, but I credit Nathan cause he says it) "God loves me just the way I am, but too much to let me stay that way". He loves me on my worst days and when it feels like the world is caving in, and He loves me on the best of days and that is pretty awesome. I have some friends like that too, and they also love me enough to call me on my stuff and respect me enough to help me get there. I see "Jesus" in those people and those are the best reminders and glimpses to what I have.