Briefing and Thought

March has not come without it's trials that's for sure. This month I have been battling a virus that I am now just getting over, but not before a wonderful trip to the ER. Somehow Sierra Vista is never busy during the times the bars are open downtown. Weird. Anyway... the next day I lost my job. The owner who is absolutely a nut case (no joke), and hates anyone who is female... and I was her target. She heard from the night auditor lady that I had a friend there (meaning, she took the 5 minutes my friend came in to take me to the ER at the end of my shift as hanging out all day!), and not wanting to talk to me and screaming obscenities in the background of a phone conversation I was having with the General Manager... that was the end of it. So I am now back to job hunting, and am now kinda turned off by the small businesses job industry. At least with corporate I would have been better protected. So, I have had one interview, and apply daily to jobs I find on craigslists, Mustang Jobs, and SLO Jobs. Trusting God to provide in the meantime... as He has been to this point.

Some may be reveling in the fact I was in the ER.... with a virus. I had a fever for over 5 days, not sleeping, coughing like crazy, and was having a hard time breathing, and then the chest pains kicked in, and I just felt awful and no reprieve seemed to be in sight. So, with my wonderful friend Tania to accompany me, went to the ER. Chest X-Ray, Meds, and a to-do list to get better and I was discharged within an hour and a half or so. All that and the owner still didn't care I was in the ER. Imagine that! Oh well. Cut the losses and move forward.

The good: Reconnecting with friends when it has been way too long. Others.... well.... some are good at pretending something is there, and others say "we need to talk more and hang out.... and it never happens". Out of sight and out of mind I guess. I am still re-evaluating my beliefs. Not that I am walking away from them, I just see it all differently... what it means to be a friend, what it means to be a Christian. I am also having some mid-mid life crisis. Almost 25... and here I am starting to get crows feet, and also feeling like I am not accomplishing much. I have this degree and can't get hired to do anything it seems like. It is so frustrating. I know I am to wait on the Lord... and I feel like I am waiting along time.

I am finding out what bothers me most about the general population of people, and doing my best to not follow suit.... and that would be in the lines of gossip. Never been for it, and hate hearing it... and hate it being about me. I also don't ever want to be seen as fake. Rather... I want people to see something genuine. No games, no drama. Living life and trying to see the positive, and removing negative people from it. People who seem to bring me down and others. Friends and people in my life I want are those who encourage, care, are selfless.... and don't make me feel like I am being judged and watched... like I am trying to prove I am good enough for them to even talk to me. I am learning more and more about people through observation... and I am starting to like people alot less.... or rather.... the good ones are few and far in between I guess. I always thought that the best of friends would come from my church circle of friends or from those I know from Crusade. Not the case. I have found in the past several months my non-Christian friends stepping up with Christ-like attributes in our friendship than I see in those who are Christians. I am not saying anyone in particular. Something I noticed with churches in San Diego... nothing seemed genuine, and people weren't that nice if you were not part of the group. I saw it in Crusade, and sometimes felt it with Shoreline.... but only towards the end before God took me somewhere else.

So.... its interesting... who comes into your life and how they affect it. I would say there are a few girls in my life for friends whom have ministered to me and been there for me better than most... and I hope they can say the same about me. These are the same girls I would love to see come to Christ. I pray for them, and yet don't get all preacher brother on them. I just pray and hope, and let God do the rest.

That's about it. Life is just going along. People may say all this is drama. Well no, its life. I don't look for it. I prefer simple, no conflict, and easy.... but being a Christian isn't, and being an adult isn't either. Welcome to that :)